“I don’t want kids at my wedding. Now, how do I say that without sounding mean?”

This is one of the most common questions we get asked as Calgary wedding planners.

So you don’t want children at your wedding. This isn’t because you’re cold-hearted — you would just prefer to celebrate in the company of adults. And you also want your friends/family to have a “night off” to kick back without worrying about their kids.

But how do you say all of this without coming off…well, rude?

 

You are not inviting children to your wedding – Calgary wedding planner etiquette

I’m sure most of you are wondering if it’s appropriate to state your desire on the wedding invitation. After all, you want to make your intentions clear.

Here’s the thing.

It can be off-putting to open up a lovely wedding invitation and see “We request that no children attend”. No matter how pretty you try and make the language or writing, this simple phrase turns a lot of people off.  Also, “Adults Only” sounds hilariously inappropriate.

Things get even more tricky when only certain children are allowed at a wedding. Sure, they are your nieces and nephews, but your guests will see this as unfair. Your guests may get angry that they had to make babysitting arrangements while others were allowed to bring their children.

 

Ways to let guests know you are requesting “no children” at your wedding

One way to avoid confusion altogether is to include these 2 phrases on your RSVP cards:

M_____________________(this is where you write exactly who you are inviting…ie: “Mr. John Smith, Mrs. Jane Smith, Miss Sarah Smith”)
We have reserved ___ seats in your honour

____ Number attending

EDIT: To further clarify, guests should write the names of who is attending!  I would add the extra line underneath the “___ number attending” with:

“Names of those attending __________”

Look at this example:

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You will need to go through all the RSVP cards on your wedding invitations and hand write your guest names + the number of guests you’re inviting. You should also address the envelopes specifically to the people you are inviting. This lets your guests know that you are expecting “2” of them to attend – “Mrs. and Mr. John Smith”.

Please note that this is not fool-proof. You may still get guests that send back their RSVP with the number “2” crossed out and a “4” written + the additional guest names. A phone call is required, in this case. You need to talk to your guests directly and clarify that you are only able to invite 2, and explain your situation with tact.

If you are inviting only certain children to your wedding, you will want to give everyone a heads-up long before you send out wedding invites. You can let your guests know that due to venue capacity or efforts to stay within a budget, only a few children will be invited. Also mention that you would love to give your guests a night off from the kids to celebrate!

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Can this be an awkward situation? Sure. However, etiquette is essentially making everyone as comfortable as possible. So if you know that you are not inviting children to your wedding, you want to communicate this early on to avoid confusion and hurt feelings.

What do you think? Does this help you with your invitations wording?

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Evelyn Clark

Evelyn Clark Weddings // Calgary wedding planners